Šiaip revjūvais neužsiimu, bet visada malonu pataupyti jūsų pinigus ir laiką. „Bang Lithuania“ ištraukos.

2013-01-09 | 16:51 | INTERNESTING, Knygos ir filmai
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Prieš porą mėnesių Delfis ir Feisbukas ėmė džiūgauti, rėkauti, sharinti ir laikinti – žodžiu, sukėlė didelį buzzą – apie kažkokią atseit šokiruojančią užsieniečio knygą, pasakojančią apie lietuvaites. Tiksliau apie tai, kaip jas nusitempti į lovą. Aš, aišku, užsisakiau tą knygą tą pačią dieną – įdomu gi man. Niekada nežinai, kokių skillsų gali prireikti gyvenime. Knyga pasiklydo pašte ir ją pagaliau gavau tik užvakar. Kaip ir žadėjau, pasidalinsiu įdomiausiomis knygos (tiksliau, mažos plonos knygelės) ištraukomis. Bandysiu nekalbėti apie autoriaus, kuris lankėsi tik Kaune, kvestionuotiną kompetenciją. Tačiau iš jo svetainės ir anksčiau skaitytų ištraukų galiu pasakyti, kad kartais jam tikrai netrūksta nei šmaikštumo, nei taiklumo.

The biggest issue you’ll face is bad English. Lithuanians speak the worst English in the Baltics. This is because the government has only recently made English a requirement in schools, meaning that girls over twenty-five or so will likely not be conversational in it. Even with young girls who speak English well, there’s a confidence problem that makes them especially scared of making a mistake and appearing stupid.

In the first couple minutes of a conversation it would be smart to compliment their English, even if it sucks. Say, “It’s okay if you make a mistake—even native speakers make a lot of grammatical errors.” This will make them feel comfortable talking, knowing that you won’t be silently mocking her. A Lithuanian girl’s biggest fear is that someone is taking her for a fool.

If she’s over 25 there’s a chance she wont know more than one-hundred English words.

Šitos mintys mane, tiesą sakant, šiek tiek nustebino. Nejaugi situacija iš tikrųjų tokia tragiška? Na, aš kažkaip nebandžiau šnekėtis angliškai gatvėje su lietuviais Lietuvoje, tai sunku būtų vertint. Bet mokykloj dauguma kalbėdavo tikrai žostkai. Žinoma, reikia nepamiršti fakto, kad autorius lankėsi Kaune. Kažkaip tikiu, kad Vilniaus gatvių situacija bent kiek geresnė.

Lithuanian girls have the most beautiful, feminine hair I’ve seen. Not only do they grow it extremely long, sometimes past their waists, but they put such delicate care into it that I felt like I was walking around on the set of shampoo commercial. It had the effect or raising a girl’s average beauty by one or two points. It won’t be uncommon for you to meet girls who haven’t cut their hair in more than five years.

Turbūt yra racijos. Tik mano nuomone, ilgaplaukės, kurios nesikirpo plaukų kelerius metus ar daugiau, yra biškį nevalos ir abejotina, kad tie nutriušę galai priduoda joms grožio.

As for bodies, the good news is that Lithuanian girls are thinner than Estonian and Latvian girls. Fat girls were rare, though you’ll still find the occasional thickie. The big problem with Lithuanian girls is that have no curves. Their breasts aren’t big and their asses can be shockingly flat, to the point where I had no motivation to ass spectate. Unfortunately, there are no big booty bitches in Lithuania. Their bodies were decidedly boyish and straight like Asian girls, but since they were thin and sexily dressed, it wasn’t all bad.

The best feature of a Lithuanian girl is without a doubt her face. Many girls have faces that are perfectly proportioned and symmetrical with beautiful eyes, full lips, and nice cheekbones. The only place that could even begin to compete with them in terms of pure beauty was Argentina. You won’t find yourself complaining that another country has significantly more attractive women.

Sako, lietuvaitės yra šaltokos moterys:

The universe has a way of balancing things out: Lithuanian girls are beautiful, but they don’t have a lot to offer besides that. Polish girls aren’t as pretty, but they’re much warmer and more affectionate.”

“Your best bet is to get with young girls because I’m not joking when I say that all attractive Lithuanian girls over the age of 22 already have boyfriends. Many girls told me that if a girl is 25 and single, something is wrong with her. Therefore there’s a mad rush by the women to get into a relationship with just about any dude who has a heartbeat. Go for the young girls who are still experimenting with their sexuality and haven’t yet been pumped and dumped by Carlos the Spainiard who promised big things only to abruptly leave the country.

Most girls had boyfriends and were reluctant to cheat with a foreigner who was just passing through. Lithuanian girls value relationships more than random hookups, unlike in the West.

Intarpas apie Lietuvos vyrus:

Lithuanian guys are the tallest I’ve seen, even taller than guys in Denmark. It’s no surprise that basketball is a popular sport in Lithuania.

Kadangi mano pačios ūgis yra 177 cm, lietuvaičiai man neatrodo tokie jau aukšti. Bet normaliai – ūgio situacija nėra bloga. Tikrai nesulyginsi su siaubą keliančiais Pietų Europos vyrais. Ir įsitikinau, kad statistika nemeluoja – olandai tikrai verti aukščiausių titulo. Tik nusiplaukit tą plaukų želė.

Toliau knygelėje eina ISTORIJOS. Pvz.:

Jei dar ką įdomaus perskaitysiu, papildysiu. Gero vakaro.

UPDATE:

Na ir šlykščiausia dalis:

Nėra nieko nemokamo:

 

 

Nori daugiau ausų maisto? Skaityk toliau!

2012-04-03 | 16:40 | INTERNESTING
03

Kaip žinia, dabar vyksta “Login” apdovanojimai, turintys neįtikėtinai durną balsavimo sistemą – iš to pačio kompiuterio galima balsuoti kasdien!

Siūlau pabalsuoti už mano FB puslapį:

http://www.login.lt/apdovanojimai/nominacijos?id=624

Laimėti, aišku, be šansų. Ne dėl to, kad vėlai įdėjau, o dėl to, kad visokie troliai jau turi po 6 štūkas balsų. Seubaz.

Kadangi kaip visada esu dosni, už aktyvų balsavimą siūlau kai ką mainais. Mano pasiūlymas toks: jeigu peidžas laimės (o laimėti yra šansas tik vienas iš milijono), pažadu, kad kaip ir seniau, rašysiu naujus postus mažiausiausiai penkis kartus per savaitę. Neblogas dylas, huh?

O šiaip už ką dar balsavot? Kaip jums apskritai šitie apdovanojimai?

“Niekas neprivers manęs pamilti Tviterio.”

2011-01-30 | 18:08 | INTERNESTING
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Uoj uoj. Ar tikrai?

Nepatingėjau sudaryt savo mėgstamiausių Tviterio akauntų listo (pagrinde – komediantai ir rašytojai). Tarp Tviterio spamo (Šekspyro citatų, Coelho minčių, selebių paistalų, beraščių rašalų ir dar daugiau selebių paistalų) yra nemažai ir genijų. Kurie, aišku, mane liūdina, nes per juos tenka suvokt graudžią realybę – kad aš nesu GENIJĖ.

Esu įsitikinusi, kad tokių sąrašiukų yra sudarytas ne vienas ir “kodėl čia tu sudarinėji irgi”. Bet juk aš patikimesnė.

Eiliškumas neturi reikšmės:

@ceostevejobs

“People often say that Apple overcharges, so from now on all products will ship with only 23% battery life.”

“Surfing MacRumors for my next great idea.”

“So glad I didn’t take Wozniak’s suggestion to call the company Banana.”

@fireland

“When life gets you down, go to a gas station bathroom and just pee wherever. No one will notice and you’ll feel like a fancy duke!”

“I asked her to marry me and she took out her phone to tweet the moment. “How do you spell LOL?” she asked. I put the ring back in my thong.”

@bubblebathos

“kissing a smoker is like kissing my gymnastics coach right after he’s had a cigarette”

“in American culture, men get tribal tattoos to signify that I won’t date them”

“ugh is anyone else having trouble loading my ex-boyfriend’s Gmail?”

@meganamram

“I love smoking crack because it combines all the fun of crack with all the excitement of crack.”

“I just found out my son’s boyfriend is gay. :(”

“I can’t believe they named an entire South American country after a wax for your hoohaw.”

@robdelaney

“San Francisco’s favorite nicknames: 1. Frisco 2. San Fran 3. Stan VanCrisco 4. Gay FranChina 5. Dallas 6. North Bakersfield”

“So get this: chickens are the only species other than humans that have sex with chickens.”

“How was your day? Did your boss walk in on you jerking off to an animated gif of her nephew? Oh, she didn’t? Then SHUT UP.”

@EricStangel

“Anyone know why my favorite Egyptian porn site isn’t working?”

@Nicolucci1899

“Vincent Gallo told me that I’d gain indie cred if I gave him a bj on screen. Seems reasonable.” (ghghghghgh, iš šito tai miriau – aliuzija į Brown Bunny su Chloe Sevigny)

@joshcomers

“I just want a good woman to proofread my tweets.”

@thesulk

“I’d fight, but I’d lose. I’d run, but I’d get caught. And so, I tweet.”

“Why are you calling me? Just text me a couple of letter-words like a normal person.”

@gandrasta

“Like I said before, if “You are what you eat,” I’m a dick”

“Listen young lady, your baby won’t stop crying because she’s hungry, sleepy or shit herself. Do something, or I’ll kill you and your baby!”

@jordanrubin

“Apparently it’s bad form to check your email on your iPad at a funeral.”

“I’m so rich that I play Angry Birds with real birds and pigs.”

@FATJEW

“Just bought 200$ worth of marijuana, i’m about to get higher than Hitler’s gas bill.”

“Any time I take a girl to a nice restaurant I have to remind her, “Don’t forget to save room for the blowjob.””

“New awesome name for a computer: The Porno Machine”

“For two words that mean the same thing, ‘woman’ and ‘lady’ sure do have vastly different consequences when added to the word ‘cat'”

@CrankyKaplan

“WELL YES I AM GOING TO EAT THIS HAM AND THEN I’M GOING TO EAT THE REST OF THE FUCKING HAM THEY HAVE IN THE FUCKING KITCHEN. FUCK YOU.”

“EITHER ASLEEP OR DRUNK CAN’T TELL WHICH. FUCK YOU.”

“EXPLAINING TO MY BOSS THAT IT WASN’T ME WHO TOOK A DUMP ON HIS DESK BUT IT WILL BE ME NEXT TIME.”

Na ir, žinoma, prašom nepamiršti pafollowint manęs (@UFB). Nieko ten gero, bet vis tiek followinkit. Reik aplenkt visokius Kofejinus, you know.

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